Just for the record...

right. time to get back on the blogging horse, so to speak...

firstly, i apologise for the absence. the usual year end madness has rendered me completely incapable of doing anything besides staring blankly at facebook whenever i have time to turn the computer on.

i'm pretty glad to be seeing the tail end of this year actually. i think me and, more importantly, those close to me have had more than our fair share of shit to deal with in 2008. time to move on, time for a fresh start.

seems i'm rambling again. big deal, just stop reading if you don't like it...

ok, please don't stop. keep reading, humor my endless need for public approval for just a few more minutes...

there's just a few things i have to say.

i'm not a bad parent, number one. i don't care what you fucking think. if i had to dedicate every second of every 24 hour day to my daughter, i would go crazy. so i don't think there's anything wrong with being in the same room as her, while she's happily occupied, and reading a book. and don't stress, i'll be out of your house soon enough, so you won't have to watch me fucking up raising your grandchild for too much longer.

number two. i was a complete headcase before i was hijacked. it didn't take having a gun shoved in my face to send me off the deep end. i took that plunge fucking years ago. you were just too wrapped up in everything else going on to notice that maybe i was without oars. so stop with the current concern. too little too late. you're not going to win a parent of the year award for it, trust me. fuck off and leave me alone. i've done well enough without your fake "oooh, i really do care" horseshit for fucking YEARS. i don't want or need it now. you're just making the both of us feel uncomfortable. lets go back to conversing through slammed doors. it's that much easier.

as for my perceived lack of communication with the rest of the family... yeah, ok no problem. i'd happily start up conversations with the rest of the household... if it didn't take under 5 minutes for the discussion to turn to how perfect everyone else is. i'm sorry that i dared get knocked up. i'm sorry that i dared not to marry her father, i'm sorry that i don't have a real job, i'm sorry i was stupid enough to do most of the things i've done in life, but it's happened and i can't change that, and rubbing my face in it at every opportunity isn't going to chage anythign, so deal with it and move the fuck on.

Learn From Me

Hey Girls

After my Friday night excitement, there's some things I want to share with you...

• Be aware of what's happening around you when you're getting close to home or to intersections. if it means turning off the radio and concentrating a little harder, do it.
• if there's someone driving close behind you when you get home, phone someone and drive around the block. keep driving until the car disappears. don't assume ANYONE is innoccent. i know it's a sh1tty way to live, but it's our reality.
• if the what happens to me happens to you, LISTEN to and OBEY what the hijackers say. these are not the types to think twice about killing. DON'T try any heroics and DON'T lie to them. if they ask for your bank card and pin, just give it to them. if they drive you to an ATM and find out you've lied, you're dead. reality. it bites.
• make yourself human. let them know that if they harm you, they're not hurting a random lump of meat, you are a person.
• if they tell you to run, RUN. and don't head back to the road they left you on straight away. you are sport and an easy target for these guys. you have no value. get out of their way as soon as they let you.

keep safe.

love you all

SOTD

John Mayer - Waiting on the World to Change

fuck forgiveness.

We live in a fucked up world. we all know this. but for me the fucked-up-edness was always over theeeeeeeeere. not here. not in my driveway. and it certainly didn't carry a 9mm.

the guys that hi-jacked me did. 6 men with guns against me. granted, i'm not the most delicate flower out there, not a flower at all really, but 6?

seeing them jumping out of their car was like a bad dream. seeing the gun in my face, them forcing me into the passenger seat instead of letting me run, not knowing if shae would have a mom in the morning. just not knowing. i thought that nothing could be worse. but then sitting on the side of the road listening to 6 men arguing about whether to just let me go or to take me along for the rest of the ride, or to kill me? THAT was the moment when i was more frightened than i had been in the hour-ish that the most terrifying drive of my life took.

and i'm pissed off. no, more than that. i'm FUCKED off. so incredibly FUCKED off.

it's not about the car. as much as i loved my car, it's a hunk of metal. it is replaceable.

it's the fact that while people are getting hi-jacked, raped, murdered and while children have to sleep on freezing streets, the fucknuts in government, and mr mike asswipe sutcliff thinks that money is better spent re-maning streets and getting rid of the springbok emblem than getting off their fucking asses and doing something about this awesome country going down the tubes.

it's the fact that i am now not comfortable in my own driveway. that i have to drive around the block 3 times before i pluck up the courage to go home.

it's the fact that i'm the 3rd person in the area that these cnuts have done this to and FUCK ALL has been done about it.

it's the fact that we live in a society where people think that it's ok to just take what you can't afford.

it's the fact that i am expected to be intensly grateful that i'm alive. that we have reached a point that it's considered ok to have your car stolen, and a gun in your face as long as you're alive. no, IT'S NOT FUCKING OK. it's shit. it sucks. it fucking fucking sucks and i hope the dickheads that did this to me get whats coming. fuck them. they deserve to die. they've stolen my peace and security and made me nervous of my own friends. fuck being grateful. i want them to know what i'm going through. i want them caught and ass-raped every night of their worthless stinking fucking pointless lives. i want them to suffer. and i hope that when thats happening, that they remeber their victims and realise that that is what they did to us.

fuck forgiveness.

Stuff for today

Picture of the day
yo.

SOTD: Operator - Delicate
for no reason other than i've been listening to it on repeat for a large part of today

QOTD: Morality is like art. It's about drawing a line. Best draw the line in pencil so when you change your mind you can rub it out and draw a new one.

The One-Minute Writer

The challenge is to take the daily writing prompt here and spend a minute or less writing the first thing that comes to mind. so here goes:

imind:
the process by which one surrenders all logical thought and emotional response to a situation over to the specific song being played on one's ipod at the time.

I...

Fucking love this photo:

I changed my mind

New SOTD because i really miss Long Train Running (John, come and visit us!!), this is a beautiful song AND right now i really wish i could just get on a bike and ride away from my life:

Roll Me Away - Bob Seger

Took a look down a westbound road,
right away I made my choice
Headed out to my big two-wheeler,
I was tired of my own voice
Took a bead on the northern plains
and just rolled that power on


Twelve hours out of Mackinaw City
stopped in a bar to have a brew
Met a girl and we had a few drinks
and I told her what I'd decided to do
She looked out the window a long long moment
then she looked into my eyes
She didn't have to say a thing,
I knew what she was thinkin'


Roll, roll me away,
won't you roll me away tonight
I too am lost, I feel double-crossed
and I'm sick of what's wrong and what's right
We never even said a word,
we just walked out and got on that bike
And we rolled
And we rolled clean out of sight


We rolled across the high plains
Deep into the mountains
Felt so good to me
Finally feelin' free


Somewhere along a high road
The air began to turn cold
She said she missed her home
I headed on alone

Stood alone on a mountain top,
starin' out at the Great Divide
I could go east, I could go west,
it was all up to me to decide
Just then I saw a young hawk flyin'
and my soul began to rise
And pretty soon
My heart was singin'


Roll, roll me away,
I'm gonna roll me away tonight
Gotta keep rollin, gotta keep ridin',
keep searchin' till I find what's right
And as the sunset faded
I spoke to the faintest first starlight
And I said next time
Next time
We'll get it right

just for the record

And i hate to say this out loud and nik will never forgive me, but the Kid Rock album "Rock n Roll Jesus" has some really good moments! so...

SOTD: Roll On - Kid Rock

Mmmm
I love it when you play it like that
Come on... Play

Sittin' here alone I'm lookin' back on where I've roamed
And laughing how I swore I'd win and not get burned
Left my family
Left my home
I worked my fingers to the bone
And there was not a stone I did not leave unturned
And I was havin' a good time

Roll on Roll on Roller Coaster
We're one day older and one step closer
Roll on there's mountains to climb
Roll on we're on borrowed time
Roll on Roller coaster
Roll on tonight
Roll on tonight yeah

Money and success
I don't complain about the stress
I wanted this and now it's here
So I don't bitch
And I swear that time's a trick
It disappears in oh so quick
Man I was just sixteen
And now I'm starin' at thirty-six
But I'm still havin' a good time

Roll on Roll on Roller Coaster
We're one day older and one step closer
Roll on there's mountains to climb
Roll on we're on borrowed time
Roll on Roller coaster
Roll on tonight
Roll on tonight

And I know it's hard to see with the sun in your eyes
But one day you're gonna say I saw the light

And now headin' for the hill
And I just cannot wait until
My children grow up to have children of their own
And I'll be telling them about
The times I turned the party out
And how I stood against an army all alone
Drinkin' wine and stayin' high
And realized it couldn't last
And how I turned myself around
And went down another path
And the signs we must observe
When life's changes do occur
But most of all I'll tell them
Just how proud I am of them
And always have a good time
It's all love and good times
Let's all have a good time Yeah

Roll on Roll on Roller Coaster
We're one day older and one step closer
Roll on there's mountains to climb
Roll on we're on borrowed time
Roll on Roller coaster
Roll on tonight
Roll on tonight

Today

Today i am tired beyond any tiredness i have experienced before. not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. so i must apologise to you. i have spent so much energy keeping you up that i have none left for myself. i can't do that anymore. you're going to have to find a way to support yourself for a while, until i recharge. i'm sorry, but it's me time now. xxx

making up for lost time

with one long and very random post...

• where the fck is summer? i'm not one for hot weather, i get sunburn at the drop of a hat, but sheesh, can we at least have 2 sunny days a weeks so i can do the washing and bath the dogs?
• holy shit, i'm a couple of hours away from being the mother of a 2 year old!
• wheeeeeeeee, so excited about running Black Mamba in Cape Town on thursday
• i think i may have overdone the sweet shopping for the party on saturday. oh well, bye bye waistline, hello 2nd spare wheel!!
• hillbillies don't have white floored barns, no matter what musicians may think!
• i'm a lighting geek. i dream about winning the lotto and what lights i'd buy with the money
• last night i got home and my mom was watching one of those mindless call in game shows and i had flashbacks to Requiem for a Dream. hope the fridge doesn't attack mom!
• i love Kevin Smith and can't wait to see Zack and Miri make a Porno
• i feel like i should apologise to my car for swearing at it so much.
• i never feel like i should apologise to taxi's
• i wish Tina would hurry up and phone me
• it really sucks when companies book the theater. they better let us buy drinks on their tab.
• i love the way Shae says worm. and calls me megum
• holy shit, i'm a couple of hours away from being the mother of a 2 year old!
• i kind of miss the life i had before i started full time at the theatre. and the people. having a social life was pretty cool.
• that being said. i love my job. i bitch about it a lot, but i love it
• i'm trying so hard to behave because i'd rather die than hurt you.
• the other you, who was once my everything is no longer that to me. i've kicked that habit, i hope, forever.
• dumbfucks fucking annoy me. especially dumbfucks who don't know how to fucking brush their hair. dumbfucks
• i really really really really NEED a new tattoo.
• like really really.
• i'm so stoked geri lives down here now.
• i should go and get ready for work.
  

SOTD

The Government Totally Sucks - Tenacious D

it just seems kind of appropriate given the USA elections etc.

Shae... on turning two

yup. tomorrow shae turns two. mindblowing. i'm not entirely sure how she went from this little pink wriggling thing that i was slightly terrified of to this articulate independant little person in two short years, but it happened. against all odds, she's survived the chaos that comes from living in a 5-person, 7-animal household and come out tops, wrapping everyone she meets around her pinky finger as she goes.

damn. seems i got something right.

and Mr G said...

it's nice to hear you smile

mwah you.

If Grandpa were a dog...

Yeah, i know it's a bit of a bizarre title, but think about it. What if we treated our elderly like we treat our pets?

• Oops, Grandpa can't control his bladder so well, he simply can't live inside anymore.
• Oh no, we can't possibly cope with such a senile old fart, he's going to have to go live with another family. If no one takes him, we'll just leave him on the side of the road.
• Oh dear, we're moving overseas. Well Grandpa, we're just going to have to send you to the old folks re-distribution centre and see if anyone wants to take you in. We, of course, will never think of you again.
• Well, it seems Grandpa has gone deaf/blind/smells funny. We'll have to have him put down. Bye Bye Grandpa!
  

RIP Paul

We rallyists seem to think we're invincable, so when one of our own is taken by the sport, shock reverberates around our small community. Yesterday, for the first time since 1974 in South Africa, rallying claimed a life.

Rest in Peace Paul Pfeiffer, you will be sadly missed by all in SA Rallying.

To his navigator, Cindi Harding, I wish you a speedy recovery.

For the other PPP mama

I know you're taking a break from the blogging world at the mo, but just wanted to remind you that the offer still stands. anytime. i'm here for whatever you need. except washing dishes and doing laundry.

love you madly
xxx

New Favorite Website

Hayibo.com <-- clickee clickee!

On Parenting

I used to be one of those people that looked at people with children with scorn and made loud, rude remarks when kids misbehaved in shopping centres. I was the one that asked waiters to throw the monkeys out when parents couldn't keep their kids under control in restaurants. Most of all, i swore i would never breed. EVER.

Then i did. While Shae was still baking, I had all the intentions of raising the perfect child. Organic, home cooked baby food, breast feeding til Shae was 2, no dummies, no tv, no computer, educational motzart cd's and toys to increase her IQ in exact proportion to the decreasing of my bank balance.

Fast Forward to almost 2 years post spawning...

Well. All that went out the window. i HATED breast feeding. Hated every second of it. It pissed me off and depressed me that some woman just got it right and loved it, cooing and bonding with their lil bundles of joy, while Shae and i found every fckn feed a struggle. It lasted 5 months and i do not regret putting her on formula for one second. all of a sudden we're both more relaxed and the bonding can begin.

Home cooked baby food? Haha. Shae tried my lovingly prepared butternut mash once and refused to eat it ever again. to this day she won't eat butternut. So purity it was. and to my shock and horror and against everything i'd been told, the evil, evil pre-prepared food had NO ill effects at all! To be quite honest, seeing food not made by you spat out onto the floor is also a lot less painless than seeing food you spent ages preparing regected.

As for the dummy, hells bells, i look after her all day and then work nights, sometimes hectic long hours. if giving her a dummy when she goes to sleep means that we both sleep better and can get through a day with the minimum tears and sleep deprived tantrums, so be it. screw anyone who wants to take this small piece of comfort away from Shae. it's a rough world out there, give her (and me) a break!!

As for no TV, listen buddy, i know that it's not healthy for any child to spend hours in front of the tv, but if sitting her down to watch the Tigger Movie means i can get the dishes washed and have a shower, then that's how it's gonna work around here!

And the one thing i've heard my fair share of in the last 2 or so years is bullshit. complete and utter bullshit. From being asked if i'd had (OMG GROSS!) breastmilk running down my legs, to being told that pink food colouring has given my child a "touch of ADD", i think i've heard it all. well, at least it's kept me amused.

So next up is toilet training. looking forward to the next round of bullshit and old wives tales that go with that!!

My Interim Government

So while the political situation in SA is running to shit, i decided to have some fun and create my own cabinet:

President: Me. Of course.

Vice Presidents: Cath and Token Nick

Ministers of Ass Kicking: Christa and Tanya

Minister of Environmental Affairs: Super Anen.

Ministers of Arts: Dawn and Tina

Ministers of Transport: Justin, Dono, Dale and Zane

Ministers of Safety and Security: the Thomson Brothers

Minister of "holy shit, who let you out of the house like that?!?" and Personal Stylist to the Prez: Callum

Minister of Finances: My mom. Even my dad is too scared to ask her for money!!

Ministers of Foregin Affairs: Mickey and Brett M (although between them, i have the feeling they'd declare war on every where except england, france and the scandanavian block!)

Ministers of other important stuff who deserve to be cabinet members but i can't think of specific jobs for them: Garett, Tarryn, Young Nick, Fiona and Stephanie.

So. Who's voting for me? :-D

i haven't forgotten!

Hey G! i haven't forgotten that i owe you a loooooong e-mail. in fact, i'm going to start it right now. miss chatting to you soooooo much! x

Ink Itch

I swore i'd only get one tattoo. one. no more. well... so far i've done pretty damn well sticking to that, but now i've been hit by major ink itch. i'm desperate to get more ink. now the question. what and where?

more to follow.

Sigh

My thoughts and prayers are going out to Travis Barker, Dj AM and their families.

Just a Thought

I'm not much of a sports fan. if it doesn't have wheels and a motor, count me out. but this week i've been obsessivly watching the paralympic games. it's amazing what these people can do, and what they've overcome to get there.

take oscar pistorious for example. here's a guy that lost both legs as a baby and is kicking ass in china. he's so good that able bodied athletes are afraid of having him compete in their competitions. he had to go to court to fight for the right to compete int eh able bodied olympics.

we're only 4 days into the games and already SA's won 8 medals. 6 of them are golds. we're 9th on the medal table. same as last time, our paralympic team is doing miles better than the olympic team.

so my question is this... why are these guys and girls not getting the same kind of coverage and recognician as the able bodied athletes? why did dstv shut down the olympic channel before the paralympics even started? the coverage of the games has been pushed onto the 6th sport channel, with some shitty, stupid overseas soccer on the main channels. where's our patriotism people? why is it that we bitch and moan when our teams don't win, but when we have a team out there kicking ass, we don't give them the recognition they deserve?

it's a load of shit in my opinion. it is because some guy with no legs won't look good on a cosmo spread? or a one legged chick can't advertise nike's? maybe the guys with cerebral palsy just aren't good looking enough to be marketed?

sigh. fucked up world we live in.

I'll be back

I promise. regular programming will resume shortly.

For You

You who is having a pretty shitty time of it right now. Todays song is for you. Mwah

SOTD: Closing Time - Semisonic

Closing time
Open all the doors and let you out into the world
Closing time
Turn all of the lights on over every boy and every girl
Closing time
One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer
Closing time
You don't have to go home but you can't stay here

I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home

Closing time
Time for you to go out to the places you will be from
Closing time
This room won't be open till your brothers or your sisters come
So gather up your jackets, move it to the exits
I hope you have found a friend
Closing time
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home

Ramble Ramble

I am blessed, beyond what i deserve, with beautiful people in my life.

Last night, the conversation i was dreading happened completely spontaneously. And it was not what i expected. Somehow you knew. You saw straight through everything and knew. You said things that made sense out of something that always seemed false and pathetic to me. You made it sound like something i could believe in. You have been in the same places i have. You know. I hope the conversation continues.

Last night i felt loved and comforted. Standing back and looking at those people who are closest to me, i felt so divinely blessed. Like God decided that even though my life will throw curve balls, even though i'll be on the roof, about to step off so often, i'll have the most understanding, supportive, loving people, right there to pull me back and just help me be ok.

Last night you did something that i didn't expect. it was something small, but it meant so much. You of everyone know where i've been and you're still here, just quietly doing small things, but things that keep me going. You are my music and my life would be so quiet without you.

Song of the day

Oops. forgot this:

Tenacious D - The Metal

You can't kill the metal
The metal will live on
Punk-Rock tried to kill the metal
But they failed, as they were smite to the ground
New-wave tried to kill the metal
But they failed, as they were stricken down to the ground
Grunge tried to kill the metal Ha,hahahahaha
They failed, as they were thrown to the ground
Aargh! yeah! [x2]

No-one can destroy the metal
The metal will strike you down with a vicious blow
We are the vanquished foes of the metal
We tried to win for why we do not know

New-wave tried to destroy the metal, but the metal had its way
Grunge then tried to dethrone the metal, but metal was in the way
Punk-rock tried to destroy the metal, but metal was much too strong
Techno tried to defile the metal, but techno was proven wrong
Yea!

Metal!
It comes from hell!

Leave Metal Alone

So some stupid kid takes a sword to a school kid wearing a mask and now music is to blame. metal in particular. The kid listened to slipknot and this drove him to murder. BIG fucking surprise. If i listened to Slipsnot, I'd also want to kill. Have you heard them? What a load of shite.

But really. Blaming his music? What about the fact that his folks knew he was getting bullied and did fuck all about it? Bad parenting, unsympathetic kids, a school system that lets the oddballs slip through the cracks. Could this be to blame? Hell no. It must be metal's fault. Dis die Duiwel se musiek.

Well, Cliff from Agro sums the whole silly situation perfectly in this story on News24:

Heavy Metal's Good Too - Artist

Johannesburg - Parents need to be educated on the good influences of heavy metal music and how to deal with teenagers listening to the odd "bad" songs, an artist said on Thursday.

Cliff Crabb, vocalist of the South African heavy metal band Agro, said most metal music sympathises with teenagers who are outsiders and teaches children to think for themselves about social issues.

"It is outsider music for the outsider," said Crabb, adding that most metal bands teach children that even though life may seem unfair, they need to "be strong and fight the good fight".

"Parents have this fear of music which they themselves don't understand."

He acknowledged that there are some heavy metal bands that do not have positive influences.

"There are bad apples on the scene. There are bands playing on shock tactics to sell records, purposely trying to mess with kids' minds and upset parents."

Slipknot's music could be dangerous

Is Slipknot, the US band that has been mentioned in the sword killing of a 16-year-old Krugersdorp school pupil, one of the bad ones?

"I do not agree with the way in which Slipknot projects themselves... I cannot speak for a child that is mentally unstable. In the wrong hands, it [Slipknot's music] could be dangerous," Crabb replies.

One of Slipknot's songs states: "I wanna slit your throat and fuck the wound".

If one of his children arrived home with a Slipknot album, he would listen to it with them, said Crabb.

"There are some lyrics out there which are against the grain of what is healthy for a developing child.

Banning the music implies influence

"If they came home with a Slipknot album, I will sit down and listen to it with them and say: 'Shame, they [Slipknot] are clearly very angry. But you know, this doesn't fit into our family lifestyle'.

"But I would certainly not ban the music because then you are basically admitting that it will influence them," said Crabb.

Almost all the band members of Agro, which has released six albums - three of them internationally - have children, added Crabb.

"Our children are perfectly normal and incredibly loved and cared for. I've been able to share the beauty of our music with them, which teaches one to think honestly about social issues," he said.

Today's Wish

My wish for today is that life will stop shitting on those i love the most.

My wish for today is that the fuckwits that invade our lives will wake up and fuck off

My wish for today is that all my bestest lovelies will be blessed with friends like mine.

I know it's traditional that you only get three wishes, but i'm going for one more.

My wish for today is that nice people could, just every now and then, i'm not asking much, have nice things happen to them.

for the mums to be

Right now i seem to have a lot of friends with babies on the way. now i know when i was pregnant EVERYONE was full of (often completely useless) advice, so i'm going to hop on the band wagon with you guys. only difference is that you can choose to read this or not ;-)

• Just accept that your body is going to be distorted beyond recognition. Some days you'll love it, some days you'll hate it, but remember, whenever you can to milk the fact that you are 2 000 000 times bigger than you were a few months ago. It got me out of a particularly nasty insurance claim.
• Your boobs, ass and stomach are never going to be the same again. Think of it as a badge of honour. And buy padded bra's. They do wonders at upping a little sag.
  
• Don't freak out about what you read. If i had done that I would have starved to death, not touched anyone, gotten rid of my pets and not left the house for 9 months. Trust your body and just use a little common sense.
• You don't have to buy every accessory in the baby magazines. Our moms didn't have them and we turned out just fine. Shae slept without a remote-control-sleep-on-humidifying-breathing-monitor-security-blanket-sleep-positioning-lullaby-singing-angel-bear and she's still alive. And she doesn't look particularly deprived to me.
• Get used to mess. Accept the fact that within a year there will be butternut smeared into your couch and bits of biscuit between the seats.
• Wet wipes. You will love them.
• Birth is a scary thing. I can't lie, it hurts like nothing I can even begin to describe but don't listen to other people's horror stories about suctions, forceps and emergency ceasars. I don't know why it is that every woman who has had a child feels the need to tell pregnant women all their horror stories. Don't worry about offending them, just walk away or tell them to shut the fuck up.
• Don't be a hero. Take the fucking drugs.
• If your doctor makes you even the slightest bit uncomfortable, don't feel bad, find a new one.
• You will yell and throw things at your partner. Just remember to apologise. And don't leave him out of anything.

Love you all!

Screw Them

Years ago, in the old top 40 magazine, there was an advert which said something which really struck home for me. I know it was advertising jeans, but i can't remember which ones. I think it may have been levi's. anyway. i found the advert, which i'd ripped out and kept, this afternoon in one of the random boxes of stuff i keep promising myself i'll sort out one day. Here's what it said:

Screw Them
Screw everyone who told you it couldn't be done
Just because they never managed to.
Screw everyone who tried to make you feel weak
Because it was the only way they could feel strong.
Screw everyone who tried to make you act different, talk different,
BE different
Because they didn't understand
That if you weren't who you had to be
You were screwed.

This Week

So i'm sitting listening to leonard cohen looking back on this week, which has had its moments of stress and trauma, but on the whole been pretty damn good. the parking lot parties have resumed, the band is back home and the new cast members are amazing people.

Somehow, during this week, my faith in humanity has been almost re-established. and i have no idea how it happened. Maybe it's that in think i'm done with the latest pruning of people i thought were friends. the ones left are the most beautiful, caring, supportive people i could ever hope for. for the first time in my life i feel accepted for me, no pretenses, no act, no crap. this is me and i'm loved no matter how screwed up i am.

thanks guys :-)

I realise...

You are my achillies heel guy. All you have to do is snap your fingers and i'll come running and i hate that about myself almost as much as i adore you.

Garyth

I didn't realise what a huge part of my life you were until the first time i saw you in that hospital bed. it was the first time you weren't happy, full of smiles and cracking some joke in a ridiculous accent. i'd never seen you vulnerable before and it terrified me. i'm the gemini twin that is always a mess... you're the stable one, the sane(ish) one.

but i believed you'd get better. i really thought that you'd come back to us. i was sure that at any second you'd wake up and be ok.

but you didn't wake up. you didn't get better. you left us. when i got the call to say that i must come and say goodbye i was angry as well as sad. how could you leave me here? i was so selfish.

when i got to the hospital, i understood. i wasn't angry. you looked at me and i knew. it was time for you to go and be free from the pain. to go to a place where you'd be whole again. and i told you i loved you. and i told you not to linger in pain for our benefit. and i didn't say goodbye.

i'll see you again.

until then i'll miss you more than you know. even though we didn't live in each other's pockets you were just always there. on our almost shared birthday this year i realised it's the first time in 20 years you haven't called me for my birthday. i hope you got the jack i burnt for you.

and i know that you and uncle lothian are together now, turbo charging the angel's chariots and replacing the pearly gates with carbon fibre.

i love you forever my big (but younger by a few hours) brother

xxx

Long Train Running

aka: the band is home

I never realise how much i miss the band until they're back. all of a sudden the theatre feels right again!

despite a few very major stumbling blocks, like cast members being overseas or unavailable for bits of the show... or no dialogue script being written whatsoever, the show is looking and sounding fantastic and i'm so excited to be working on it for the next month!

at times like this, despite the sleep deprivation, i remember why i love my job so much and why, even with the obvious advantages, a desk job is simply not ever going to be for me!

Hi Blog

Sorry, i know it's been a while and i've been neglecting you horribly, but inspiration is at an all time low... along with my sleep levels.

this morning...

When i woke up this morning, Shae wrapped her arms around my neck and said "good morning mommy, love you" and i knew that no matter what happens in the next 24 hours, today is going to be good.

this is the last i have to say...

Firstly, although this should be an apology, it isn’t. The time for that is long gone. It is too late for me to apologise for being an irresponsible, stupid, selfish dumbass. And believe you me, I know that I have been all these things. Even though this isn’t an apology, please read on… then I’m out of your lives for good. I know when things are beyond repair and one thing that I have learnt recently is that I need to own my sh1t so this is me doing it…

My behavior that night is inexcusable. I am a big girl and I should know my limits. Should I have called, e-mailed, facebooked or sms’s sooner? Well of course, but I was terrified. I stupidly employed the ostrich approach, hoping that if I hid my head my cr@p would go away by itself. Well, um, yeah. Second mistake.

Am I a drunk? Now, no. Then, yes. Do I have a drinking problem? Yes. Big resounding yes. I realize that now. That night taught me as much and I haven’t had more than a couple of drinks in a night since then. I never lose control anymore because it’s frightening and irresponsible. I could have killed myself that night. As it was I was sick for days.

Am I a junkie? No. Not in the traditional sense. I haven’t touched anything illegal for months. Was I on anything illegal that night? Honestly, no. I can’t smoke weed because it makes me sick and harder drugs make me crash so bad that I don’t take them.

Can I live without prescription medication? No. if I come off anti-depressants I will either kill myself or hurt someone very dear to me. Does that make me a junkie? I hope not. Just someone who desperately needs help.

Did I learn from that night? Of course. I learnt that I have a problem and that it needs to be owned. I am depressed and scared. I need help. Luckily for me, even though it has clearly cost me two of the people I love most in my life, that night made me realize how deep I’d sunk.

That is the end of my explanation. What follows is pure self-indulgence, so stop now, or carry on. I don’t have the energy to care. All the energy I have left is devoted to keeping me afloat so I can be the best mother I can be.

Since that night I’ve made something of a turn-around. I am an addict. Addicted to instant gratification. I want to feel good NOW and £$%^ the consequences. That’s why I drink like an idiot, sleep with married men and do a whole range of stupid things.

After I had Shae and Brett and I split, I was plunged into the darkest place I could possibly imagine. Unless you have been a single, depressed, frightened and lonely mother with a child you feel no connection to, there is no way you can understand. There was no where to turn except to the life I remember having as a teenager, drinking, drugging and sh@gging my way through life. When I am drunk or high or under whatever man, I forget for that fleeting moment.

But I am lucky now. I have managed to, somehow to start turning things around. I have become close to the most amazing man who inspires me daily to be a better person and picks me up when I can’t go on. He is the most phenomenal friend I could ever have asked for. I don’t drink in excess. I have no interest in drugging. I am trying to get my career back on track. I have stopped sleeping with inappropriate men, although he and I will always love each other, it is sibling love now, not that unhealthy messed up lust thing that happened before. I am trying to face up to being a grown up and a mother, which is the scariest thing for me to do. I don’t want to grow up. Relying on other people to make the decisions for me is safe. That way, if I screw up, it’s someone else’s fault. But I am trying.

Yes. That night has cost me two of the most valued people in my life. But I have learnt from it. Why haven’t I said all this before? Because I am a complete f£$%ing coward.

I will miss you guys more than you know. Nikki, I think of you so often, want to sms you about so many things, like the new man friend (not a MAN man, but such a friend. You know him and will be astounded at the real him, not the image we all know), or how Shae refuses to take off the shoes you bought her for her birthday. Carolynn, when I heard the new Alanis cd for the first time, you were the first person I thought of when I heard the track “torch”. For 12 years you guys have been in integral part of my life and I know that I have completely screwed that up. I’ll never forgive myself for that so I don’t expect you to.

Well, that’s what I have to say. Consider it trite bullsh1t if you will, but I haven’t said a word I didn’t mean. As I said, this isn’t an apology. There’s no point in expecting forgiveness from others for something I can’t pardon myself for.

There’s only one thing I ask. Don’t let one night of disgusting, reprehensible, stupid, selfish (and every other adjective that applies) behavior taint 12 years of friendship. I’m not going to let it.

So that’s me, over and out. Sorry for wasting your time.

More for You

Nothing i said in the last post is untrue. I meant every word. But, having written it and thinking over the past few weeks, i realised that i have fallen for you in a way i shouldn't have allowed myself to. You don't feel the same way and i'm not going down the unrequited-emo-bullshit road again. I'm sorry to drop bombshells on you. I'm sorry i couldn't keep things platonic. Mostly, i'm sorry that we'll only ever be friends. But i will always value you as a friend.

You

I'm not sure how this happened, but meeting you and growing close to you has been one of the most healing experiences that i've been blessed with in a long time. I feel comfortable and secure around you... something that doesn't happen often. You make me laugh and bring out the best in me. The way you help people and genuinely care inspires me. The random phone calls and sms's you send makes my day a little brighter. You don't know this, but your mere presence has helped me through a very dark time. Thank you. mwah.

SOTD: In Praise of the Vulnerable Man - Alanis

You are the bravest man I’ve ever met
You unreluctant at treacherous ledge

You are the sexiest man I’ve ever been with
You, never hotter than with armor spent

When you do what you do to provide
How you land in the soft as you fortify

This is in praise of the vulnerable man
Why won’t you lead the rest of your cavalry home

You, with your eyes mix strength with abandon
You with your new kind of heroism

And I bow and I bow down to you
To the grace that it takes to melt on through

This is in praise of the vulnerable man
Why won’t you lead the rest of your cavalry home
This is a thank you for letting me in
Indeed in praise of the vulnerable man

You are the greatest man I’ve ever met
You the stealth setter of new precedents

And I vow and I vow to be true
And I vow and I vow to not take advantage

This is in praise of the vulnerable man
Why won’t you lead the rest of your cavalry home
This is a thank you for letting me in
Indeed in praise of the vulnerable man

What i realised today

What i realised today is that i'm over you in a way i never thought i would be. When i saw you today i felt an overwhelming sense of love... but the love i would feel for a sibling or a best friend, not the desperate aching i used to feel every time i saw you and knew you'd never be mine. I feel so free and at peace.

Love you

I wish this was a joke...

*vomit*

Spoto's Steak Joint serves up wild delights

DUNEDIN — I've sampled snails in France, pig's ear in Brazil and stuffed lamb intestines in Lebanon. But I experienced my most exotic culinary adventure last week in …

Dunedin.

At Spoto's Steak Joint.

A reader had called, pointing out that the restaurant's marquee advertised African lion, rattlesnake, bison, elk and boar.

Along with summer intern Jackie Alexander, I was sent to try it out. And, as it happens, I was a good choice for the assignment. As a Lebanese-American I know what it's like to eat "different'' foods. I was the kid eating a brie and pita bread sandwich or stuffed grape leaves for lunch.

I learned not to judge foods until I had tasted them. Having done just that at Spoto's, here's my verdict:

The elk was fabulous.

The kangaroo sweet.

The lion tasted a bit like ribs.

(We'll get to the rattlesnake later.)

We started with the Game Sampler for $25.95, which comes with generous helpings of kangaroo, boar and rattlesnake. But we substituted elk for the snake. The meal was served with steamed asparagus and roasted garlic mashed potatoes.

We also ordered the South African Lion Chop dish, a 14-ounce lion rib chop, char grilled for $48.

Spoto's owner and chef Jim Stewart said all his game is farm raised and USDA approved. The kangaroo is from Australia and the lion is farm raised in South Africa and processed in Colorado. The snake and boar come from Texas and the elk comes from Alaska, Canada or New Zealand.

Stewart has built a niche out of serving unusual meats. Previous menus have included ostrich, bear and python. He sends e-mails to 1,000 patrons when he serves a new type of game.

"Gosh, where else can you go and get barbecue prime ribs, steak … duck and lion or bear or whatever at any given time?" he said. "We've kind of built ourselves a little name for that, and it's caught on."

After munching on chicken liver pate, warm baguettes and salad, our dinners arrived. We were both surprised.

"It looks like regular food," Jackie said.

First, I tried the kangaroo. It was sweet and easy to chew, unlike any other meat I've tried. Then the elk, my favorite, which was so tender, Jackie commented it was better than filet mignon. The boar tasted a little heavier than roasted pork.

Finally, it was time to try the lion. The meat was less tender than the others and came with part of the bone, making it difficult to cut. The taste is difficult to describe, sort of a cross between pork chops and ribs.

Pleased with our delicious meal, Jackie and I were ready to wrap things up when photographer Joseph Garnett noted that we had not tried the rattlesnake.

No, I said.

Snakes scare me. I didn't want one near my mouth. Then Joseph used the "w" word — wimp. So I ordered a small side of snake. I asked that it please not look like snake.

"Snake, snake!" a child chanted in the background.

I made small talk to hide my nervousness, and when the dish arrived, my heart was pounding. It looked like snake. Bones poked out through the meat. Before I could panic, Stewart handed me a fork. I closed my eyes and dug in.

The meat was chewy and had a bland taste, kind of like turkey. It was dressed in a light barbecue sauce that had a little kick to it. If I hadn't psyched myself out, I might have taken another bite.

Open Letter to a Supposed Friend

Dear You...

We've been friends for what feels like forever, almost half of my life. We've seen some rough patches...dodgy men, drugs, illness, pregnancy and gods know what else, but somehow always pulled through. Lately, however, I've felt disconnected form you in a way that i haven't experienced before in the 12 - odd years we've known each other.

It's strange how getting older and *shudder* growing up has brought me closer to some people who i couldn't stand before and who couldn't stand me, while it seems to have driven a wedge between us, me and my soul sister.

I don't know how this started. Maybe the difference in our upbringing has finally become too much for us to look past. I was raised in a liberal, free thinking house and had to work for most of what i have while your family have always been conservative and you were given everything... as long as you followed the life path your parents mapped out for you.

Maybe it's that we're in different places at the moment. You run businesses and are married and settled. I'm a single mother just starting to build a career with no real prospects of settling down anytime soon. I party until the early hours, you prefer a braai at home.

I know our morals will never be the same. We always knew that. We just look at the world differently. But this always worked in our favour before... You were my conscience and I encouraged you to have fun.

I look back and wonder that i never saw certain things before. When did you become so judgmental of people we both love and have known forever. When did you become so judgmental of me? When did you become an old prude?

The silence started straight after that stupid, stupid night. I don't know why though. What did I do? Before, you always told me what i did wrong. We were never afraid to speak our minds. So why the silence? Did I say something unforgivable? Did I do something that disgusting?

Please. Just let me know. I want to call you several times a week. There are things happening in my life now that I long to tell you about. I want to know how you are, but I'm too scared to pick up the phone in case I find out that I've lost someone I've considered a sister for so long.

Love You
xxx

Shae

I have no idea where the last 20 months have gone, but somehow, against all odds and genetics, this little one has turned out pretty damn good, if i do say so myself!

To All the Idiots...

that insist on sharing my road:

• indicators are your friend. they may, in fact, prevent me from ramming into you when you decide to change lanes
• the fast lane is for going fast in. not for you to drive your stupid smelly 16-wheeler truck in at 40km/h while trying to overtake a truck doing 30km/h. if you can't go 120 up a hill, stay out of the bloody fast lane. that goes for taxi's and old ladies too.
• if you insist on picking up passengers, could you do it where people can a) get around you and b) not on a bloody blind rise or corner. on the same note, would it be too hard to drop your passengers off on the right side of the road so they don't have to dart in front of my car after getting out of your taxi?
• red means stop asshole. nuff said.
• as i said. fast lane is for fast drivers. when i'm driving int eh slow lane, it means i don't want to go fast. so don't drive at 140 in the slow lane and flash lights at me. i'll just slow down more
• oooh and while i'm talking about lights. turn your fucking brights off!
• stop streets aren't just there for fun. try stopping at them every now and then.
• residential areas aren't race tracks.

/rant

Thank You

It's been a rough couple of weeks so i have to give thanks to the people who have made sure i keep functioning...

Cath - My life support system. Without your sms's and random phone calls i'm not sure where i'd be.

Dean - For putting up with my constant abuse

Garett - Thank you for never judging and always making me smile about whatever fckd up situation i find myself in. xx

The Heritage People - I've been a moody bitch lately and they're always there with hugs, support and beer.

Dale - My big brother. For looking out for me and staying strong when you're cracking inside. Love you.

Just a quick note to say...

Firstly, Alanis Morisette has written yet another volume in the soundtrack of my life. I can hear so much of me in her new album that it frightens me. Secondly, i'm not ok right now, but experience shows that i will eventually be able to pull my shit together and get on with it. I'm saying this mostly for myself than for the two people that actually read this. Thirdly. I miss you and find my thoughts turning to you almost every second of the day. Sigh.

Freedom

Last night I decided it is time to move on. I refuse to feel the way i do with no hope of reciprocation. Yes. I want to be your friend, and I love our friendship... or the perceived friendship I thought we shared, but i want so much more.

Last night I realised that no matter what you have said to me, I will only ever be a silly girl in your eyes, never an equal. I realised that no matter how you tried to justify what we have done and no matter how i try to convince myself otherwise, what we "had" was wrong and is wrong and completely unfair to her. If you can't devote yourself to her, don't try to find comfort with others while making her think it's all ok. I feel dirty and sad that I thought it was ok.

Last night I deleted you from my phone, I deleted your messages and the pictures of us. I felt liberated.

Last night I decided that I would no longer compare other men to you, because, no matter what I'd convinced myself up until this point, you are not perfect and I am cheating myself out of the hopes of something happy by trying to find a carbon copy of you.

Last night I cried and felt sick to the stomach at the thought of ending what I thought we had because, however hard I tried to tell myself that I was just doing it for the fun, I'd fallen in love with you. I have been from the first time we met, first, with the persona and image and later with the person I thought I knew.

Last night I lost a lover and a friend, not to death or anger or any other physical thing, but because I woke up and realised that the real you is not the you I had in my head or my heart

Farewell Sweet Prince

There are no words to describe what life will be without you. I know where ever you are , at least you are now free from pain and suffering. Be at peace my love. I'll miss you more than you'll ever realize. x

SOTD: Lost Prophets - 4am Forever

Last one

And then i'm going to go and die quietly in a corner.

firstly. i am not quitting smoking because of you. i told you. expensive jewelry has to be bought before i let you make demands like that.

secondly: there is a reason i put up the cold hard bitch act. it's because every time i drop the shields, i either get ripped off or hurt. and i'm sick of it. so the softie is being buried for the final time. over it. toughening the fuck up as of right now.

The time has come

It hit home last night when i realised that i spend over R 7 000 a year on cigarettes. i have to quit. now is the time. so i apologise in advance for any heads that i may rip off. on the upside, now i'll have more money for shoes :-)

a little less angelina... more of the britney

I worry about these girls that float around thinking that motherhood is going to be some serene madonna (as in mary, not the popwhore) and child moment. someone needs to enlighten them. tell them about the joys of green poop and butternut puree in your hair. oooh oh, and the wonders of being covered in vomit at 2am.

i blame women like angelina jolie for this rosy image girls have about motherhood. they're going to be so dissappointed to find out that without an army of nannies and brad pitt at your side, you end up feeling and looking a lot more like britnety spears. and wishing you had her drugs budget.

yes, motherhood is fantastic and the rewards far outweigh the bad stuff, but i really think that someone needs to put the word out about the bad stuff a bit more forcefully. maybe then we'll have fewer jaimie-lynn's running around.

oh. and while i'm on this parenthood rant. what the FUCK is with that stupid natasha bedingfield song "i want to have your babies" ?!? why is there no age restriction on that? does the stupid bint realise that there are fucking 10-year olds running around shopping centres singing about how they want to have babies? what the fuck.

/rant

thank you

darth swifty aka jono aka the minor for this

mwah you.

uninspired

completely uninspired. blah. so tired and drained by all the issues that aren't mine to own, but get thrown at me anyway. no time for me anymore. over it. handing out tissues and fuck off notices today.

except to you. our pep talks / soul baring / laugh madly at random shit / solve the world's problems and various other moments make the difference. hehe. potholes.

it's all about the money...

or the lack thereof. thanks to my a$$hole boss, i am now officially broke. as in haven't been paid for work i did three weeks ago. i am not amused.

and i think what burns me even more about the situation is that i'm always the one doing the extra work, taking on tasks that aren't mine to do, just so the show happens smoothly and this is the non-payment i get?

well, fck that. from now on i'm only doing what i (occasionally) get paid to do. let someone else do the skivvy work for free. it'll leave me more time to read the classified ads and find a new fcking job.

bollocks

i had so much i wanted to say when i got home today. half a bottle of wine and i can't bloody remember any of it anymore.

To the Other Gemini

It's time to wake up now. This is week 13 since the accident and we all want you back. I don't know how much longer i can cope with out my (younger) gemini twin being around to chirp me crap.

please come back soon.

love you.

Strange, ain't it

Often the nights that, on paper should be the biggest fuck ups and start out looking like absolute hell, turn out to be the ones that really rock.

what a party last night. i am pleasantly surprised that middle-aged insurance brokers can jol like that.

song of the day: immigrant song - led zeppelin because as soon as someone requested that last night, we kind of all knew it was going to be ok!

A life lesson...

it is never a good idea to put two drunk girls on the front seat of a car and then drive down fields hill playing kiddie punk. infinitely amusing for all other passengers, but a bit of problem untangling drunken limbs when one of the above mentioned girls has to try and get out of the car!

SOTD: scotty doesn't know

Taste of Thomson

Is going to be a kick ass show. Everyone should come and watch it. More on that later.

i've had two hours sleep. went to work at 11am yesterday, got home at 5am today. going back to work at 12:30 and prolly working thru the night again. i have bruises everywhere and the skin is peeling off my fingers from cleaning sheeting with thinners for 4 hours. i can't speak coherently and i have never had bigger bags under my eyes.

but i still fucking LOVE my job and would not trade it in for anything.

Pick a Face. Please.

because your habit of having two is really starting to piss me off. stop trying to please everyone. it's impossible and you end up upsetting someone somewhere along the line. stop telling me one thing and doing another. i now have no idea where i stand with you and because of this you have bought a one way ticket out of my inner circle.

AND NOW. you.

when you bitched and moaned that i was supposed to be one of your bestest bestest friends and how dare i not tell you stuff, i let you in and told you something, not something that would bring my world crashing down if it got out, but still something that wasn't to be repeated. and you did repeat it. and when i found out i was gutted. i have kept your secrets and been your shoulder to cry on for years and this is how i get repaid.

AND lastly. you.

PUT SOME FUCKING CLOTHES ON! and act like a professional.

that's all.

Apologies

for the silence. normal broadcasting will resume when a)inspiration hits or b) i've slept some

sleep

i dream (or i would, if i ever actually got to sleep!) of a whole 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep. hell. at this point i'll settle for much less. 6 hours. no disturbances. heaven.

it's official

Cath has decided it's time for us to grow up:

Cath: Megan! No, seriously, we've both had kids, it's time we grew up
Megan: Ok. You first.
Cath: NO! I had a baby first, you grow up first!
Megan: Um, no.
Cath: Ok, love you bye
Megan: OK, love you

So from now on, it's tea instead of jack daniels, cross stitch and decoupage instead of partying and gardening instead of whatever other debaucherous stuff i currently occupy myself with.

now, one more post and then i have to go and read a Keith Kirsten book on re-potting the lavender.

ramblings for someone

i hate seeing you like this. it frustrates me that you have to carry other people, make sure they're ok, keep them going, and are left with nothing for yourself. and it blows my mind that still you have time to just call and make sure i'm still ticking over. that means so much, you have no idea.

i wish there was something i could do, but you're too fucking proud to lean on other people and you're suffering for it.

there's so much i want for you. i want you to be able to relax. i want you to have the space you need. i want you to not have to worry about things that shouldn't be yours to own. i want you to be free to be you all the time, not just when you're with the select few. most of all, i want you to be happy.

song for today: paint it black - the rolling stones

it's all clear now

i always resented you both for treating her better. i resented all the days that i had to sit outside school waiting or find my own way home because you had something else to do when she never had to. i resented the loads of washing, the dishes i washed, the meals i cooked because she never had to. i resented doing my own ironing when you did hers. i resented having to pay for my own tickets when you paid for hers. i resented never having your support when i was competing because you never miss a single competition she competes in. i resented being ignored because you always have things to say to her. i resented you for loving her more.

but now it's clear that you do what you do for her because she can't actually look after herself and it's time to thank you for allowing me to be independent because i can survive by myself and she can't.

i had a dream last night

you came to my house and just held me for the longest time and said you were coming to fetch something. you looked so tired and sad and i wondered what was wrong.

this morning when i woke up, i wanted to phone you. it took me a couple of minutes to remember that you were gone.

today's song: one more suicide - marcy playground

Christopher O' Malley
Went out on a bridge
Down in Chehalis
And clutching his bible
And a letter from her
Fell into the river
Pity no one was there
No angels in the air
And the morning paper ran
One more suicide

His mama stayed by
The river side
Down in Chehalis
And clutching her bible
And a letter from him
Fell into crying
Pity no one was there
No angels in the air
And the morning paper ran
One more suicide

Pity no one was there
No angels in the air
And the morning paper ran
One more suicide
One more suicide
One more suicide

Road Tripping in the Key of Me

i think the time has come to pay tribute to my long suffering mate and colleague who has the dubious honor of driving my (usually slightly tipsy) self home from work at night.

here's why:

it's 11:30pm. two technicians emerge from the Heritage Theatre.

dean: *yawn* long day, various tired remarks
megan: grumble grumble could have stayed for one more beer grumble

both enter the car. megan assumes dj-ing responsibilities...

dean: please, no alanis. not again
megan: (expletive) you, i only want to listen to one song

megan finds alanis and begins to sing along...

WHAT PART OF OUR HISTORY'S REEEEIIIIINVENTED AND UNDER RUG SWEPT....

no. wait wait. that wasn't the song... *skips through cd a bit*

YOU'VE ALREADY RUN MEEE OVER-ER INSPITE OF MEEEEEEEE... (yes. i realise the lyrics are wrong, but after that night way back when, i have been unable to sing the right words)

no. that's not it either. *skips through cd a bit*

IT'S LIKE RAAAAA-EEEEE-AAAAAAAAAAAAIN ON YOUR WEDDING DAAAAAAAAAY

no. no. maybe not alanis.

dean bangs head on steering wheel

dean: can i choose a cd? (bear in mind we're in dean's car)

megan: NO (expletive) off!!

*finds new cd*

SCOTTY DOESN'T KNOW SCOTTY DOESN'T KNOW SCOTTY DOESN'T KNOW

no. that's not it

FEEEEEEELINGS WOAH WOAH WOAH FEEEEEELINGS WISH I'D NEVER MET YOOOOOOOO

no. still not.

WORKING CLASS HEEEERROOOO IS SOMETHING TO BEEEEEE

no no.

aah. i know...

MARY MO-O-O-O-O-O SHE'S A VEGETARIAAAAAAAN

yes!!!

and with that.. the cd starts skipping. i scream and curse and dean puts his music on while i chain smoke. and he puts up with this

every.fucking.night.

here's your medal bud.

horoscopes

very seldom get it right for me. except for the one i read about 5 minutes ago. half of it was freakishly accurate. now lets hope the other half comes true!

Today

has been weird to say the least. which is a fitting end to a strange weekend. i think it's all the religion flying around creating funny vibes. pfft. whatever. i have wine (not holy) and muzak, and that's all this girl needs right now

song for today:

senzafine - lacuna coil (cos it's pretty and italian)

My Mates... Keeping me sane and other rawking things

One of those survey things... but with a twist...

This one is different: This is funny!! YOU fill in the blanks about ME and send it back to ME. But FIRST send a blank one out to all your friends, so they can return the favor to you. Be honest-they're really SCARY to get back. (Do not do this if you can't take a joke because you might not like the answers!) It only takes a few minutes, so just do it!!!! 1st: Send (forward) this Survey to everyone you know to see how well he or she knows you. 2nd: (reply) fill this survey out about the person who sent it to you and send it back to them.

Garett:

1. Name: Megan Stow
2. Where did we meet: In a back room on a dodge site.
3. Take a stab at my middle name: Stabbity stab. Will you sit still for two seconds please. Stabbing is serious work.
4. How long have you known me: Taking a stab, I'd say about 5 years. Ish.
5. Do I smoke: I'll forego the obvious answer and say yes.
6. What was your first impression of me upon meeting : thought to self "Keep the pose you idiot. Keep the pose and you'll be fine."
7. Color of my eyes : I'm not going back to Facebook to check. You already know I love you so if you're offended by me not knowing the colour of your eyes you'll just have to come up and show me what colour they are.
8. Do I have any siblings & how many : Yes. 1.
9. What's one of my favorite things to do : Drink.
10. Do you remember one of the first thing I said to you : A variation of hello I think. Ok. That was p1ss poor really. I actaully can't remember either.
11. What's my favorite type of music : MCR, FOB (i'll get you for that)
12. What is the best feature about me : Jesus - where to start. For now, I'll say open-ness.
13. Am I shy or outgoing : Outgoing.
14. Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules : You're a nun actually. Well in the dreams you're wearing a nun's outfit.
15. What's your favorite memory of me : Walking around the Botanical Gardens in Dbn.
16. Any special talents : Drinking most mortal men under the table. Several other mythical talents but I've yet to see them in action.
17. Would you consider me a friend : Of course.
18. How many children do I have : 1 with two legs. Don't know how many with four.
19. If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be : Keith. Because only you and Keith Richards could do what you have done to your bodies and still come out alive. (aaaw. blushing now)

20. If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what one thing would I bring ? If you don't bring rum we are no longer friends.

Skintoit Bee:

1. Name: Megan
2. Where did we meet: old burn forum, first non virtual encounter the winston
3. Take a stab at my middle name: dunno
4. How long have you known me: about 3 yrs
5. Do I smoke: yes
6. What was your first impression of me upon meeting : she is not as scary as her online persona teenage girl squad
7. Color of my eyes : brown
8. Do I have any siblings & how many : sister
9. What's one of my favorite things to do : lie on the couch at home watching telly
10. Do you remember one of the first thing I said to you : nope
11. What's my favorite type of music : I don't know
12. What is the best feature about me : wit, independance,
13. Am I shy or outgoing :can be both
14. Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules : rebel
15. What's your favorite memory of me : you hate photo of yourself, one day when pressed you sent out a pic of yourself under an umbrella I wet myself (Note to self: seek and destroy that photo)
16. Any special talents : navigator and driver
17. Would you consider me a friend : yes
18. How many children do I have : 1
19. If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be : tank girl
20. If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what one thing would I bring ? a satellite communication device, with solor panel powering mechanism so we can make contact and get rescued.

Nikki

1. Name: Megan Stow
2. Where did we meet: High School Grade 8
3. Take a stab at my middle name: Theressa (Excuse the spelling :) )
4. How long have you known me: 10 years..... oh my GOD we are getting OLD!!!
5. Do I smoke: Yes.... naugthy girl!
6. What was your first impression of me upon meeting : Can't remember.... getting so old the aldzheimers is kicking in. I must have liked the look of you, else we wouldn't stil be friends
7. Color of my eyes : Brown
8. Do I have any siblings & how many : Yes, 1 sister
9. What's one of my favorite things to do : Eat Chocolate / Racing
10. Do you remember one of the first thing I said to you : No.... again the aldzeimhers!!!! :) Must have been something about Rallying
11. What's my favorite type of music : Stuff I have nightmares about!!!!
12. What is the best feature about me : You are my friend
13. Am I shy or outgoing : Outgoing
14. Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules : REBEL
15. What's your favorite memory of me : Our many days of marshalling rally stages together
16. Any special talents : Lots
17. Would you consider me a friend : Yes
18. How many children do I have : 1 girl
19. If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be : ???????
20. If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what one thing would I bring ? A bottle of sweet red wine..... or a case or two! :) and a wine bottle opener of course!You are quite resourceful :) (haha, someone clearly knows me too well!!)

Cath

1. Name: Megan Stow
2. Where did we meet: Sideburn. I LOVE YOU THEEEEEEEES MUCH
3. Take a stab at my middle name: Crap i know this.
4. How long have you known me: Approx 4 years. No five. does it matter?
5. Do I smoke: Only if set alight
6. What was your first impression of me upon meeting : see question 2
7. Color of my eyes : brown
8. Do I have any siblings & how many : 1 sister, amy
9. What's one of my favorite things to do : hang out with me! heheeh

10. Do you remember one of the first thing I said to you : see question 2
11. What's my favorite type of music : just about the same as me. i call it eclectic
12. What is the best feature about me : unwillingness to pass judgement without sound opinion formed
13. Am I shy or outgoing :outgoing
14. Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules : rebel
15. What's your favorite memory of me : toilet paper song.
16. Any special talents : i dont know.... ;-)

17. Would you consider me a friend : duh
18. How many children do I have : one
19. If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be : megsy HAH
20. If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what one thing would I bring ? booze!

Anen

1. Name: Megan
2. Where did we meet: on the old burn forum (RIP), teen girl squad :)
3. Take a stab at my middle name: theresa
4. How long have you known me: 4 years

5. Do I smoke: si
6. What was your first impression of me upon meeting : what a sweet girl, not scary at all
7. Color of my eyes : brown
8. Do I have any siblings & how many : sister
9. What's one of my favorite things to do : shoe shopping; watching futurama and lying in bed
10. Do you remember one of the first thing I said to you : hello kittylitter

11. What's my favorite type of music : hair metal :)

12. What is the best feature about me : strongly opinionated

13. Am I shy or outgoing : a lil of both

14. Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules : total rebel
15. What's your favorite memory of me : i liked the yellow umbrella photo too
16. Any special talents : can read maps
17. Would you consider me a friend : yes
18. How many children do I have : 1
19. If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be : megsie
20. If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what one thing would I bring ? hair straightener

and thus endeth the fun and madness. thanks guys, you brightened up my day like you will never know!