Just for the record...

right. time to get back on the blogging horse, so to speak...

firstly, i apologise for the absence. the usual year end madness has rendered me completely incapable of doing anything besides staring blankly at facebook whenever i have time to turn the computer on.

i'm pretty glad to be seeing the tail end of this year actually. i think me and, more importantly, those close to me have had more than our fair share of shit to deal with in 2008. time to move on, time for a fresh start.

seems i'm rambling again. big deal, just stop reading if you don't like it...

ok, please don't stop. keep reading, humor my endless need for public approval for just a few more minutes...

there's just a few things i have to say.

i'm not a bad parent, number one. i don't care what you fucking think. if i had to dedicate every second of every 24 hour day to my daughter, i would go crazy. so i don't think there's anything wrong with being in the same room as her, while she's happily occupied, and reading a book. and don't stress, i'll be out of your house soon enough, so you won't have to watch me fucking up raising your grandchild for too much longer.

number two. i was a complete headcase before i was hijacked. it didn't take having a gun shoved in my face to send me off the deep end. i took that plunge fucking years ago. you were just too wrapped up in everything else going on to notice that maybe i was without oars. so stop with the current concern. too little too late. you're not going to win a parent of the year award for it, trust me. fuck off and leave me alone. i've done well enough without your fake "oooh, i really do care" horseshit for fucking YEARS. i don't want or need it now. you're just making the both of us feel uncomfortable. lets go back to conversing through slammed doors. it's that much easier.

as for my perceived lack of communication with the rest of the family... yeah, ok no problem. i'd happily start up conversations with the rest of the household... if it didn't take under 5 minutes for the discussion to turn to how perfect everyone else is. i'm sorry that i dared get knocked up. i'm sorry that i dared not to marry her father, i'm sorry that i don't have a real job, i'm sorry i was stupid enough to do most of the things i've done in life, but it's happened and i can't change that, and rubbing my face in it at every opportunity isn't going to chage anythign, so deal with it and move the fuck on.