fuck forgiveness.

We live in a fucked up world. we all know this. but for me the fucked-up-edness was always over theeeeeeeeere. not here. not in my driveway. and it certainly didn't carry a 9mm.

the guys that hi-jacked me did. 6 men with guns against me. granted, i'm not the most delicate flower out there, not a flower at all really, but 6?

seeing them jumping out of their car was like a bad dream. seeing the gun in my face, them forcing me into the passenger seat instead of letting me run, not knowing if shae would have a mom in the morning. just not knowing. i thought that nothing could be worse. but then sitting on the side of the road listening to 6 men arguing about whether to just let me go or to take me along for the rest of the ride, or to kill me? THAT was the moment when i was more frightened than i had been in the hour-ish that the most terrifying drive of my life took.

and i'm pissed off. no, more than that. i'm FUCKED off. so incredibly FUCKED off.

it's not about the car. as much as i loved my car, it's a hunk of metal. it is replaceable.

it's the fact that while people are getting hi-jacked, raped, murdered and while children have to sleep on freezing streets, the fucknuts in government, and mr mike asswipe sutcliff thinks that money is better spent re-maning streets and getting rid of the springbok emblem than getting off their fucking asses and doing something about this awesome country going down the tubes.

it's the fact that i am now not comfortable in my own driveway. that i have to drive around the block 3 times before i pluck up the courage to go home.

it's the fact that i'm the 3rd person in the area that these cnuts have done this to and FUCK ALL has been done about it.

it's the fact that we live in a society where people think that it's ok to just take what you can't afford.

it's the fact that i am expected to be intensly grateful that i'm alive. that we have reached a point that it's considered ok to have your car stolen, and a gun in your face as long as you're alive. no, IT'S NOT FUCKING OK. it's shit. it sucks. it fucking fucking sucks and i hope the dickheads that did this to me get whats coming. fuck them. they deserve to die. they've stolen my peace and security and made me nervous of my own friends. fuck being grateful. i want them to know what i'm going through. i want them caught and ass-raped every night of their worthless stinking fucking pointless lives. i want them to suffer. and i hope that when thats happening, that they remeber their victims and realise that that is what they did to us.

fuck forgiveness.