another angry one

*takes trying to be upbeat, scrunches it up and chucks it out the window*

right.

i have tried fucking hard in the last four months to maintain a civil relationship with you. not for your sake, not for mine, but for someone more important than us both. and believe me, at times it's fucking difficult.

but last night that was blown out the water. you and your rabid half-man-half-she-dog of a friend have successfully destroyed every part of me that wanted to have some form of friendship with you. your lack of respect and completely inappropriate behavior astounds me.

and what astounds me even more is that you have just been here and acted like everything was fine.

one last thing. i don't care if you think the people i hang out with are boring or whatever. compared to the years of amateur dramatics i put up with from you, they're a refreshing change.

Here... have some karma

I know i shouldn't get any pleasure out of people dying. Actually, what i feel isn't pleasure so much as the feeling that the universe finally got it right...

Puppy killer dies in accident
Johannesburg - The man who caused a countrywide uproar after using a chainsaw to cruelly behead his husky puppy earlier this year, died in a car accident over the weekend.

Phillip Matthysen, 31, rolled his vehicle in the early hours of Sunday morning and died on the scene.

Sergeant Marinda Scholtz said Matthysen was apparently en route to his smallholding in Sundra, Mpumalanga, when his black Toyota Land Cruiser overturned and he was thrown out of the vehicle.

The accident occurred in the early hours of Sunday on the R50 route to Delmas, near Rietfontein.

No witnesses According to him it was difficult to say if Matthysen had died instantly, or only later. His body was taken to Bronkhorstspruit mortuary where a post-mortem will be held to determine the exact cause of death.

Matthysen caused an uproar in June when Beeld reported that he’d used a chainsaw to behead his still-living Siberian husky.

When he was sentenced in July for animal abuse, the marketing consultant said in an affidavit that he had used a petrol-driven chainsaw to saw the dog’s head off "during a fit of fury". This was after the four-month-old dog had chewed through the electrical cable of his security gate and killed an exotic macaw parrot.

I hope he suffered more than that poor dog did.

here, have some karma mother fucker.

Thank You

Carrying on with my "trying to be more upbeat and positive" thing:

Thank you to all those people who feel the need to talk about my life. really. you make me realise that you clearly find me interesting and worthy of your meaningless gossip.

I'm flattered that of the millions of things you could choose to talk about, you choose little old me.

BUT. come on folks. please, try to at least be accurate when spreading the details of my life far and wide. the real thing is probably not as entertaining as the half truths you are scattering about, but at least that won't get anyone hurt.

So go ahead... talk away, but please do a fact check first

Deal?

something brighter

i'm in an unexplainable good mood right now... totally unrelated to any drug or alcohol consumption.

so on this positive note... things that make me happy:

shopping today. nothing like retail therapy!!

bar one cake. it's the official sh1t.

my theater family.

my sanity sponsor.

the last harry potter book. thank gods it rocks. fitting end to the series. RIP dobby

random sms conversations that get me through long days at work

facebook. it's like being back at high school... except you can delete the people that really annoy you!!

song for the day:
always look on the bright side of life

Speaking of Chocolate

A very wise woman said today that really good chocolate is better than sex.

right now i'm inclined to agree... hell, chocolate is better than men. fullstop.

think about it:

chocolate is constant. if you buy a bar of chocolate today and it's really good, when you eat the same type of chocolate tomorrow... it'll be just as good as the first one. sadly, not so with sex.

chocolate doesn't forget to phone, doesn't forget your birthday, doesn't come home at 4am stinking of rum and try to stick it in, even though it can't see straight.

if your friend eats your chocolate, that's ok, you can just buy another one!!

so here's three cheers for the makers of good chocolate!

And the award goes to...

Woolworths in PineCrest Centre for having the stupidest staff under the sun.

i asked no less then FOUR staff members, including the manager, whether a particular bag was leather or not as it wasn't labeled.

not one could tell me. one even responded with: "eh leather?" yes. leather you dumbass... you know, the hide of a murdered cow?

seriously... know your fckn products. you might end up selling something.

Hey Asshole...

thought i saw you today and i wanted to walk up to you and let you know that despite your best efforts, i'm alive and functioning.

and tell you a few things...

that i hate you for making me hate myself.

that even though you tried your level best to isolate me from everyone else, the friends that i still have from that time are here with me... you aren't.

that i am now one of those... how did you put it... "satanic, druggie, wanna-be, heavy metal scumbags" and fucking glad i am. those people you were so terrified i'd identify with are real. you weren't

that despite your lies, manipulation and abuse, i am happy now

that i took the greatest pleasure in purging my life of every trace of you. cutting up, burning and smashing every possession of yours that was left here was amazingly cathartic.

and i wanted to say thank you for testing my spirit to the limits. i know now that very few things will ever break me. you couldn't. thank you for making me stronger than i've ever been before.

but it wasn't you and i'm glad because i really, truly hope that you are dead. if not dead, then miserable and alone. you deserve no better. karma is a bitch and yours is coming.

Ladies and Gentlemen...

we have teeth. well, i've had mine for quite a while, but the big news is that shae finally has one!

in other news... everyone in the durban area really has to come to the heritage theatre and see black mamba. too much of funny.

other than that... nothing really. bring on pay day. bring on BME and serpy's dbn trip. bring on summoning. most of all... bring on a full nights sleep.

song for today: my chemical romance - famous last words

other stuff

the last Harry Potter book is out. that's it, it's all over. sigh. haven't read it yet but i must admit i'm getting very anxious and wondering whether i want to read it or not. am also avoiding most of my usual haunts on the interweb just in case i see a spoiler.

YAY for elf_ears for doing fantastically at the highland dancing champs!! and while we're on congratulations, WOOHOO to gugu zulu and crew for winning A5 on the VW Rally!!

moving on, something that REALLY annoys me is when people use the bread knife to cut cheese. it's called a bread knife for a godsdamn reason.

wow. this post makes nearly no sense at all. i need a solid couple of hours of sleep more desperately than anyone can imagine. so on that note, off i go.

song for today: Hinder - lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late?

cos i thought i was over you. but i'm not.

No No, i take it back

Song for Today:

Tenacious D - Fuck her Gently:

This is a song for the ladies
But fellas listen closely
You don't always have to fuck her hard
In fact sometimes that's not right to do
Sometimes you've got to make some love
And fuckin give her some smoochies too
Sometimes ya got to squeeze
Sometimes you've got to say please
Sometime you've got to say hey
I'm gonna Fuck you softly
I'm gonna screw you gently
I'm gonna hump you sweetly
I'm gonna ball you discreetly
And then you say hey I bought you flowers
And then you say wait a minute sally
I think I got somethin in my teeth
Could you get it out for me
That's fuckin teamwork
Whats your favorite posish?
That's cool with me
Its not my favorite
But I'll do it for you
Whats your favorite dish?
Im not gonna cook it
But ill order it from Zanzibar
And then I'm gonna love you completely
And then I'll fuckin fuck you discreetly
And then I'll fucking bone you completely
But then I'm gonna fuck you hard
Hard

Perfect Friday song. hehehe

Randomness

song for today: Lustra - Scotty Doesn't Know

no reason except that it's so godsdamn bouncy and always puts me in a good mood.

moving on...

good luck to elf_ears and her posse, competing at the SA highland dancing champs this weekend. hope you get feeling back in your toe.

and bring on the weekend. tis been a good week, albeit a bit sleep deprived. actually, i really should be power napping instead of slumming around the internet. oh well.

oooh, oooh, other song for the day: Tenacious D - (dude) i totally miss you

Dude, i totally miss you
I really fucking miss you
I'm all alone,
All the time, all the time

Dude, i totally miss you
The things we did together
Where have you gone?

Totally miss the honesty
And special times, and honestly
I totally miss the fucked up thing ya do

Dude, i totally miss you
I totally miss you
Dude, i totally miss you
All the time

Ahhhhhhhhhh, aaaaaah
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, aaaaaah
aah ya-he haaa.

Totally miss the honesty
And special times, and honestly
I totally miss the fucked up thing ya do

Dude, i totally miss you
I totally miss you
Dude, i totally miss you
All the time

makes me laugh it does.

Song for the day

This has no real significance except that i kinda remember singing it at the top of my voice on the way home last night. i think.

Puddle of Mudd - She Hates Me

Seriously.

to all my friends:

when i'm drinking...

CONFISCATE my cellphone. no matter how much i protest or promise that i won't send any sms's or make any calls, just take the damn thing.

there really is nothing scarier than going through your dialled numbers and sent sms's the next morning and going "oh fuck... i didn't. did i?"

Of all Things Theatrical

Goodbye Michael Naiker and hello Black Mamba!!

One more month of work for me at the Heritage which means one more month i can spend dodging the real world and hiding from corporate life in the surreal place that is theater.

Gods bless the entertainment industry for creating a refuge for all us oddbods!! :-)

And some songs for today

it's impossible to choose one song that fits today... or the last god knows how long. so here's a couple:

Alanis Morissette - That I Would be Good


that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing

that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy

that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you

Tori Amos - Crucify

Every finger in the room
is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces
Then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell our now
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Just what God needs
One more victim

Neil Diamond - I Am... I Said :

But I got an emptiness deep inside
And I've tried
But it won't let me go
And I'm not a man who likes to swear
But I never cared
For the sound of being alone

"I am"... I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair
"I am"... I cried
"I am"... said I
And I am lost and I can't
Even say why
"I am"... I said
"I am"... I cried
"I am"... I said

And lastly...

Fall Out Boy - Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

Say a prayer but let the good times roll
In case God doesn't show

To My Girls

Today made me realize all over again how incredibly lucky i am to have you in my life. I'm sorry I've been so out of the loop. Sorry I've missed so much.

It also confirmed for me that all our troubles lie in the fact that we are so fucking awesome, other people are intimidated by us and are terrified of not being able to match our awesomeness.

You grrlz rock my world. more than cheese.

What I've Learnt

This week has been one where i've learnt a lot about life. I don't know why but it's all become very clear in the last couple of days...

Fuckwits will always be fuckwits. There is nothing that can be done for them... I now begin pruning my list of fuckwits.

Real friends are forever. I'd rather have the 5 or 6 brilliant beautiful people around me that i can trust absolutely rather than a large network of kinda sorta mates that bail at the first sign of shit.

People die. there's nothing i can do about it. Accepting it is not the same as forgetting them.

I have a child. Nothing will ever change that. So I've made my peace with the fact things didn't turn out as they were supposed to. Oh well. Deal with it, move on and revel in the squishy, drooly love my daughter lavishes on me.

When all else fails. Weed and Beer.