Garyth

I didn't realise what a huge part of my life you were until the first time i saw you in that hospital bed. it was the first time you weren't happy, full of smiles and cracking some joke in a ridiculous accent. i'd never seen you vulnerable before and it terrified me. i'm the gemini twin that is always a mess... you're the stable one, the sane(ish) one.

but i believed you'd get better. i really thought that you'd come back to us. i was sure that at any second you'd wake up and be ok.

but you didn't wake up. you didn't get better. you left us. when i got the call to say that i must come and say goodbye i was angry as well as sad. how could you leave me here? i was so selfish.

when i got to the hospital, i understood. i wasn't angry. you looked at me and i knew. it was time for you to go and be free from the pain. to go to a place where you'd be whole again. and i told you i loved you. and i told you not to linger in pain for our benefit. and i didn't say goodbye.

i'll see you again.

until then i'll miss you more than you know. even though we didn't live in each other's pockets you were just always there. on our almost shared birthday this year i realised it's the first time in 20 years you haven't called me for my birthday. i hope you got the jack i burnt for you.

and i know that you and uncle lothian are together now, turbo charging the angel's chariots and replacing the pearly gates with carbon fibre.

i love you forever my big (but younger by a few hours) brother

xxx