for the mums to be

Right now i seem to have a lot of friends with babies on the way. now i know when i was pregnant EVERYONE was full of (often completely useless) advice, so i'm going to hop on the band wagon with you guys. only difference is that you can choose to read this or not ;-)

• Just accept that your body is going to be distorted beyond recognition. Some days you'll love it, some days you'll hate it, but remember, whenever you can to milk the fact that you are 2 000 000 times bigger than you were a few months ago. It got me out of a particularly nasty insurance claim.
• Your boobs, ass and stomach are never going to be the same again. Think of it as a badge of honour. And buy padded bra's. They do wonders at upping a little sag.
  
• Don't freak out about what you read. If i had done that I would have starved to death, not touched anyone, gotten rid of my pets and not left the house for 9 months. Trust your body and just use a little common sense.
• You don't have to buy every accessory in the baby magazines. Our moms didn't have them and we turned out just fine. Shae slept without a remote-control-sleep-on-humidifying-breathing-monitor-security-blanket-sleep-positioning-lullaby-singing-angel-bear and she's still alive. And she doesn't look particularly deprived to me.
• Get used to mess. Accept the fact that within a year there will be butternut smeared into your couch and bits of biscuit between the seats.
• Wet wipes. You will love them.
• Birth is a scary thing. I can't lie, it hurts like nothing I can even begin to describe but don't listen to other people's horror stories about suctions, forceps and emergency ceasars. I don't know why it is that every woman who has had a child feels the need to tell pregnant women all their horror stories. Don't worry about offending them, just walk away or tell them to shut the fuck up.
• Don't be a hero. Take the fucking drugs.
• If your doctor makes you even the slightest bit uncomfortable, don't feel bad, find a new one.
• You will yell and throw things at your partner. Just remember to apologise. And don't leave him out of anything.

Love you all!