To All the Idiots...

that insist on sharing my road:

• indicators are your friend. they may, in fact, prevent me from ramming into you when you decide to change lanes
• the fast lane is for going fast in. not for you to drive your stupid smelly 16-wheeler truck in at 40km/h while trying to overtake a truck doing 30km/h. if you can't go 120 up a hill, stay out of the bloody fast lane. that goes for taxi's and old ladies too.
• if you insist on picking up passengers, could you do it where people can a) get around you and b) not on a bloody blind rise or corner. on the same note, would it be too hard to drop your passengers off on the right side of the road so they don't have to dart in front of my car after getting out of your taxi?
• red means stop asshole. nuff said.
• as i said. fast lane is for fast drivers. when i'm driving int eh slow lane, it means i don't want to go fast. so don't drive at 140 in the slow lane and flash lights at me. i'll just slow down more
• oooh and while i'm talking about lights. turn your fucking brights off!
• stop streets aren't just there for fun. try stopping at them every now and then.
• residential areas aren't race tracks.

/rant

Thank You

It's been a rough couple of weeks so i have to give thanks to the people who have made sure i keep functioning...

Cath - My life support system. Without your sms's and random phone calls i'm not sure where i'd be.

Dean - For putting up with my constant abuse

Garett - Thank you for never judging and always making me smile about whatever fckd up situation i find myself in. xx

The Heritage People - I've been a moody bitch lately and they're always there with hugs, support and beer.

Dale - My big brother. For looking out for me and staying strong when you're cracking inside. Love you.

Just a quick note to say...

Firstly, Alanis Morisette has written yet another volume in the soundtrack of my life. I can hear so much of me in her new album that it frightens me. Secondly, i'm not ok right now, but experience shows that i will eventually be able to pull my shit together and get on with it. I'm saying this mostly for myself than for the two people that actually read this. Thirdly. I miss you and find my thoughts turning to you almost every second of the day. Sigh.

Freedom

Last night I decided it is time to move on. I refuse to feel the way i do with no hope of reciprocation. Yes. I want to be your friend, and I love our friendship... or the perceived friendship I thought we shared, but i want so much more.

Last night I realised that no matter what you have said to me, I will only ever be a silly girl in your eyes, never an equal. I realised that no matter how you tried to justify what we have done and no matter how i try to convince myself otherwise, what we "had" was wrong and is wrong and completely unfair to her. If you can't devote yourself to her, don't try to find comfort with others while making her think it's all ok. I feel dirty and sad that I thought it was ok.

Last night I deleted you from my phone, I deleted your messages and the pictures of us. I felt liberated.

Last night I decided that I would no longer compare other men to you, because, no matter what I'd convinced myself up until this point, you are not perfect and I am cheating myself out of the hopes of something happy by trying to find a carbon copy of you.

Last night I cried and felt sick to the stomach at the thought of ending what I thought we had because, however hard I tried to tell myself that I was just doing it for the fun, I'd fallen in love with you. I have been from the first time we met, first, with the persona and image and later with the person I thought I knew.

Last night I lost a lover and a friend, not to death or anger or any other physical thing, but because I woke up and realised that the real you is not the you I had in my head or my heart